The lights are down low. The candles are lit
The coffee table's groaning with Kettle Chips.
You've friends comin round for dinner and drinks
Bust out the Best of Bublé and the bombay mix.
Bin slavin away at that Aga all day
S'a Yotam Ottolenghi tagine
But what's the flavour profile? What you gonna pair it with?
Tell me honeychild, d'you even know what that means?
I'd recommend a Riesling, if it's chicken or fish
Viogniers'll play with any buttery dish
Don't come crawlin to me, cos I'm a-warnin you
When your reputation's battered and bruised
You got the Wrong Wine Blues.
D'you think a Pinot's robust enough for that greasy lamb?
That tannin structure's gonna be fine?
Bought Grenache as your backup, like you don't give a damn
Lord, I'm askin boy have you lost your mind?
You need a plummy, new world Merlot. Bold, smoky notes. Hints of
coffee, spice and orange peel
Where's the chocolate, leather, bitumen and toasted oak?
Where's your rudimentary knowledge of the Flavour Wheel?
I'd recommend a Malbec, if it's pork or blue cheese
Apply some basic theory I'm a-beggin you please
Don't come cryin to me, cos y'ain't got no excuse
Gon feel it from your hat to your shoes
You got dem Wine Faux Pas Blues.
Let's say you've got a regional manager you need to impress
Why d'you wash that dinner down with any old piss?
Go 'head an laugh all you want, but some things
a man can't undo
If it's Blossom Hill you may as well serve Irn Bru
Pad Thai — SAUVIGNON!
Beef Ragu — CHIANTI!
Pizza Pie — PINOTAGE!
Fondue — CHABLIS!
Cassoulet — CÔTES DU RHÔNE!
Cheese Soufflé — CHARDONNAY!
Quiche Lorraine — BEAUJOLAIS!
Beaujolais, yeah. You havin some
Tagliatelle? PINOT GRIGIO!
Pork belly? RIESLING!
Stroganoff? A BIG SHIRAZ!
Lamb chops — CHÂTEAUNEUF-DU-PAPE!
Spag Bol — ZINFANDEL!
Casserole — BURGUNDY!
Fried rice — GEWÜRZTRAMINER!
So for expert advice just come on down to Majestic Wine.
Dot co dot uk
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