Geeks and children rejoice alike
The magicest of good news
Your cherished classic's been brought to life
And fairly faithfully too.
The characters that you've longed to see
The stories that you've loved
That world of wonder and fantasy
Now belongs to us.

The Eternal Franchise
There'll be sequels and prequels for years
The Eternal Franchise
You'll have joy coming out of your ears.

From the page to the multiplex
Then in all good retail outlets
No, not just movies but merchandise;
Board games, plushies and playsets.
Reasonably safe for the 12s and up / May contain small parts
Choking hazards for everyone / From Hong Kong to our hearts.

What a deathless franchise
Tie-ins, spin-offs and several cartoons
This unending franchise
Has collectables out the wazoo
And they could all belong to you.

Come on! / Who are YOU??
I'm a merch dragon / As in merchandise?
That's right. I reward kindness, purity of heart and brand loyalty.
Wow!
All this can be yours / For free? / (laughing) No.
But how will I pay for it? / Oh, you'll find a way.
Really?? / Sure you will, if you just believe.
So acquisition IS the only true happiness! / You said it! Ha ha ha.

Mousemats
Action figures and lead figurines
Bubblebath and bu—umba—ags
Duvet covers and stationery.

Cereal
Bumper stickers and slippers and clocks
Thermoses and paddling pools
Badges, keyrings and teapots and socks
And trampettes, toiletries and pogs.